What Do Kids Worry About?

What kids worry about is often related to the age and stage they're in.

Kids and preteens typically worry about things like grades, tests, their changing bodies, fitting in with friends, that goal they missed at the soccer game, or whether they'll make the team. They may worry about social troubles like cliques, peer pressure, or whether they'll be bullied, teased, or left out.

Because they're beginning to feel more a part of the larger world around them, preteens also may worry about world events or issues they hear about on the news or at school. Things like terrorism, war, pollution, global warming, endangered animals, and natural disasters can become a source of worry.

Helping Kids Conquer Worry

To help your kids manage what's worrying them:

Find out what's on their minds: Be available and take an interest in what's happening at school, on the team, and with your kids' friends. Take casual opportunities to ask how it's going. As you listen to stories of the day's events, be sure to ask about what your kids think and feel about what happened.

If your child seems to be worried about something, ask about it. Encourage kids to put what's bothering them into words. Ask for key details and listen attentively. Sometimes just sharing the story with you can help lighten their load.

Show you care and understand. Being interested in your child's concerns shows they're important to you, too, and helps kids feel supported and understood. Reassuring comments can help — but usually only after you've heard your child out. Say that you understand your child's feelings and the problem.

The above was taken from www.kidshealth.org.

Second Step Behavior Program

The classroom teachers at Maple Avenue implement a school wide behavior management program named Second Step. The Second Step program teaches skills in the following areas:

1. Skills for Learning: Students gain skills to help themselves learn, including how to focus their attention, listen carefully, and be assertive when asking for help on schoolwork.

2. Empathy: Students learn to identify and understand their own and others' feelings. Students also learn how to take another's perspective and how to show compassion.

3. Emotion Management: Students learn specific skills for calming down when experiencing strong feelings, such as anxiety or anger.

4. Problem solving: Students learn a process for solving problems with others in a positive way.

The above information was taken straight from the Second Step program.

For more information go to www.secondstep.org

Building Your Child's Character: Challenges and Solutions

We live in a time when teaching our children to be virtuous is especially challenging. Youngsters are surrounded by political sound-bites; outlandish promises from advertisers; and television programming and films filled with lying, gratuitous violence and sex as entertainment. As a parent, you might feel weary and overwhelmed as you try to help your children develop virtues such as honesty, respect for themselves and others, humility, courage and a generous rather than greedy heart. You're not alone. The challenge of helping humans develop high moral character has perplexed philosophers, psychologists and theologians for centuries.

Children are born with unique temperaments, needs and gifts. Some find it much easier to share their toys than others. Some feel horrible when they lie, while others seem to delight in deception. Some are timid; others show amazing courage and tenacity. But, no matter where children are born on these continuums, they have the potential to develop good character and become positive contributors to society. In fact, Aristotle, who wrote of such things about 350 B.C.E., believed humans were born to become virtuous, mature adults -- to be pillars of virtue for those younger or less developed than we are. And Immanuel Kant, writing some 2,000 years later, added his view that for an act to be truly virtuous, it had to be hard for us to do; it couldn't just come naturally.

What Can Parents Do?
Over the years we've had many parents ask us how to help their children develop positive personal qualities. We've heard questions such as: "My son is so selfish, how can I teach him to be generous?" "My daughter is always so angry and mean to her friends. What can I do to help her see that she should treat others with kindness and respect?"  and "How can I get my child to be more honest?"

When it comes to character development, there is no more foolish philosophy than the old saying, "Do as I say, not as I do." Along with Aristotle, we believe your children first need to see virtue in action in order to try out their virtue-wings. Parents, relatives, siblings and childcare providers give children their first glimpses of courage, honesty, generosity, fairness and respect.

It's not enough for your children to see you and other important adults and peers behaving virtuously. They also need encouragement, praise and character feedback.

Encouragement: You can encourage your children with words or simply by showing faith in their positive potential. For the boy who is acting selfish, you might say, "I'm going to stop reminding you to share because I know you can do it on your own. You can also actively notice your children's behavior when they do something positive. For example, when you see your daughter share her toys with another child, you might just say, "Hey, I noticed you let Joannie play with your special toy." You don't even need to follow that comment up with praise, because just the fact that you noticed will have an affect.

A basic behavioral principle is this: Children will repeat actions that get them attention from their parents. What this means is that we need to worry more about catching our children doing something right than doing something wrong.

Character feedback: Most parents, us included, find it natural to give negative character feedback to our children. If a child is easily angered and reactive, we forget that she only sometimes is angry and mean, and so we tend to say things like, "Why do you have to be so mean?"

Unfortunately, when we repeatedly focus on the negative with our children, they may begin believing us. So, the girl who acts angry begins to define herself as "an angry girl." You can see how important it is to notice when your children behave kindly and to give them a positive character building statement such as, "You're the kind of girl who knows how to be nice to her friends."

Dishonesty: Children are often tempted to lie about their misbehavior. This isn't an easy problem, but one strategy that works is to separate the misbehavior from the truth or lie. In other words, when children are honest about the rules they've broken, they can receive "truth bonuses." Or, if they lie about breaking a rule, then they suffer two separate consequences, one for the misbehavior and one for the lie.

Good works: Character development is enhanced by opportunities to do good in the world. Volunteering to help at food banks, helping coach younger children, giving money to a family-chosen charity -- all these efforts instill important habits in your children. But don't force them to help at the soup kitchen alone. Join them, and have a talk afterwards. Of course it's hard to find time for such things, hard to interact with people who seem different and tempting to feel judgmental toward people who need help, but the payoffs can be enormous.

Character development begins at home and continues at school. As a parent, consider how you can bring some of your best character-building ideas to your child's school. You can have a voice in having the school choose character-building reading materials, activities and speakers. Talk to your child's school counselor, teachers, coaches or principal about how you can contribute to the challenge of character development in all young people.

Rita and John Sommers-Flanagan are both counselor educators at the University of Montana. Their latest book is "Counseling and Psychotherapy Theories in Context and Practice" (John Wiley & Sons, 2004). Published with permission from the American School Counseling Association Website under parent section.

Building Your Child's Character: Challenges and Solutions

We live in a time when teaching our children to be virtuous is especially challenging. Youngsters are surrounded by political sound-bites; outlandish promises from advertisers; and television programming and films filled with lying, gratuitous violence and sex as entertainment. As a parent, you might feel weary and overwhelmed as you try to help your children develop virtues such as honesty, respect for themselves and others, humility, courage and a generous rather than greedy heart. You're not alone. The challenge of helping humans develop high moral character has perplexed philosophers, psychologists and theologians for centuries.

Children are born with unique temperaments, needs and gifts. Some find it much easier to share their toys than others. Some feel horrible when they lie, while others seem to delight in deception. Some are timid; others show amazing courage and tenacity. But, no matter where children are born on these continuums, they have the potential to develop good character and become positive contributors to society. In fact, Aristotle, who wrote of such things about 350 B.C.E., believed humans were born to become virtuous, mature adults -- to be pillars of virtue for those younger or less developed than we are. And Immanuel Kant, writing some 2,000 years later, added his view that for an act to be truly virtuous, it had to be hard for us to do; it couldn't just come naturally.

What Can Parents Do?
Over the years we've had many parents ask us how to help their children develop positive personal qualities. We've heard questions such as: "My son is so selfish, how can I teach him to be generous?" "My daughter is always so angry and mean to her friends. What can I do to help her see that she should treat others with kindness and respect?" and "How can I get my child to be more honest?"

When it comes to character development, there is no more foolish philosophy than the old saying, "Do as I say, not as I do." Along with Aristotle, we believe your children first need to see virtue in action in order to try out their virtue-wings. Parents, relatives, siblings and childcare providers give children their first glimpses of courage, honesty, generosity, fairness and respect.

It's not enough for your children to see you and other important adults and peers behaving virtuously. They also need encouragement, praise and character feedback.

Encouragement: You can encourage your children with words or simply by showing faith in their positive potential. For the boy who is acting selfish, you might say, "I'm going to stop reminding you to share because I know you can do it on your own.â€Â You can also actively notice your children's behavior when they do something positive. For example, when you see your daughter share her toys with another child, you might just say, "Hey, I noticed you let Joannie play with your special toy." You don't even need to follow that comment up with praise, because just the fact that you noticed will have an affect.

A basic behavioral principle is this: Children will repeat actions that get them attention from their parents. What this means is that we need to worry more about catching our children doing something right than doing something wrong.

Character feedback: Most parents, us included, find it natural to give negative character feedback to our children. If a child is easily angered and reactive, we forget that she only sometimes is angry and mean, and so we tend to say things like, "Why do you have to be so mean?"

Unfortunately, when we repeatedly focus on the negative with our children, they may begin believing us. So, the girl who acts angry begins to define herself as "an angry girl." You can see how important it is to notice when your children behave kindly and to give them a positive character building statement such as, "You're the kind of girl who knows how to be nice to her friends."

Dishonesty: Children are often tempted to lie about their misbehavior. This isn't an easy problem, but one strategy that works is to separate the misbehavior from the truth or lie. In other words, when children are honest about the rules they've broken, they can receive "truth bonuses." Or, if they lie about breaking a rule, then they suffer two separate consequences, one for the misbehavior and one for the lie.

Good works: Character development is enhanced by opportunities to do good in the world. Volunteering to help at food banks, helping coach younger children, giving money to a family-chosen charity -- all these efforts instill important habits in your children. But don't force them to help at the soup kitchen alone. Join them, and have a talk afterwards. Of course it's hard to find time for such things, hard to interact with people who seem different and tempting to feel judgmental toward people who need help, but the payoffs can be enormous.

Character development begins at home and continues at school. As a parent, consider how you can bring some of your best character-building ideas to your child's school. You can have a voice in having the school choose character-building reading materials, activities and speakers. Talk to your child's school counselor, teachers, coaches or principal about how you can contribute to the challenge of character development in all young people.

Rita and John Sommers-Flanagan are both counselor educators at the University of Montana. Their latest book is "Counseling and Psychotherapy Theories in Context and Practice" (John Wiley & Sons, 2004).

Temper, Temper, Temper

"I always tumble into trouble when I lose my temper".

-Robin Hood and His Merry Men retold by Jane Louise Curry illustrated by John Lytle.

"Funny thing about temper-if it's such a bad thing, shouldn't we want to lose it? Let the darn thing go! Good riddance! Not really. Because your temper, you see, is just that-your temper-meaning your stuck with it. If you let it loose, it's only going to circle around like a boomerang and come back and bite you in the butt".

A Quote from Eileen & Jerry Spinelli's book Today I Will: A Year of Quotes, Notes, and Promises to Myself.

What Do Elementary School Counselor's Do?????

When I have been asked what I do for a living and I respond that I'm an elementary school counselor, I cannot believe what I hear! "Why on earth do we need counseling in the elementary school? What the heck do you do all day? Kids that age don't have problems yet!"

Well let me tell you what I attempt to do on a day to day basis. I get to school typically 30 minutes before my first meeting or duty and prep for my small groups for the day. I then attend a meeting on a student either thru special education, 504, or response to intervention (RTI). Did I also mention that I am the 504 coordinator at my school and that I am on the RTI Core committee? Depending on the meeting either student, teacher, and possibly even parent support is given. Minutes have to be typed/prepared and placed in the students file for data purposes.

Then I enter classrooms to conduct safety, anti-bullying and career guidance lessons. In between I enter classrooms and observe identified students in which I have received parental permission to conduct an on task observation. I observe the student, compile the information, and have to contact the parents/teachers to notify them of my findings. Sometimes this is by phone, but the majority of the time it is explained in a face to face meeting.

I then see specific students that I have scheduled in with parent permission. I see students for various reasons such as, but not limited to: anger management, self control/impulse control issues, self-esteem difficulties, lack of self-advocacy, coping skills surrounding anxiety characteristics, social skills deficits (initiating conversation, initiation activities, staying on topic, turn taking in activities/conversations, waiting, being honest, eye contact, identifying how they as well as others are feeling, perceptions/differences, and more). Most student's that I see have an individualized rubric rating scale on what I am working with on them, that their teacher completes weekly or tri-mesterly (student depending). Teachers complete one when I first begin to see the student and continue weekly/tri-mester. If it was decided that the rubric was to be completed weekly, I show and review the completed one to the student to inform them of their progress or lack of. Now that is data driven instruction!

Parents/guardians, doctors, outside counselors, DCYF, and other schools of former students contact me with questions about students in which I need to follow up with them on.

Because of what I do on a daily basis, my job does not end. I am constantly collaborating with others about students to help them reach their potential!

School counseling programs are collaborative efforts benefiting students, parents, teachers, administrators and the overall community. School counseling programs should be an integral part of students' daily educational environment, and school counselors should be partners in student achievement.

November Anti-Bullying Classroom Lessons

I went into all classes and implementing the The Goffstown's Anti-Bullying Curriculum, which can be found on the district's website.

First Grade- The story The Sneeches and other Stories by Dr. Seuss was read. The story is about creatures who thought that their ONE difference was more important than ALL their similarities. They start out by thinking that they are very different, and realize that they are really very similar.

Second Grade- The story How to be a friend: A Guide to Making Friends and Keeping Them, by Laurie Krasny Brown. This book emphasizes that differences don't matter to friends. You can be friends with someone who is different.

Third Grade-A Powerpoint was shown to the all third grade classes discussing what bullying is, which was followed by a quiz done together.

Fourth Grade- We started a writing project about bullying or cyberbullying in which they will continue to work on throughout the year and share with first graders in June.